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Charlottesville, VA 22902
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(434)825-7240

Brand-O Foods, LLC makes and distributes Speedie B's Energy Bars. Speedie B's are all-natural energy bars made with organic, wholesome ingredients that are good for you and taste great too. With around 300 calories, Speedie B's can also serve as a meal-replacement bar.   

 

Brando Blog

About time they finally let me talk about what I want to talk about... 

 

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: OFFICE OF THE CHAIRMAN

Beatrix Arendt

BRANDO HOUND, ESQUIRE, CHAIRMAN OF BRAND-O FOODS, CELEBRATES 4TH/ 28TH BIRTHDAY

CHAIRMAN: "WANT MORE TREATS"

CHARLOTTESVILLE, VIRGINIA. 

Brando Hound, illustrious chairman of Brand-O Foods, marked his fourth/ twenty-eighth birthday by demonstrating physical vigor and laser-like focus over his budding food empire. 

A lowly company scribe caught up with the chairman at his personal residence, in between trail walks, feedings and naps, for a rare personal interview:

Interviewer: 4's quite a milestone. What did you do to celebrate?

Brando: Friendbeasts made me get out of my crate. I didn't want to. I was sleepy. They put out my food but didn't put any peanut butter in it. I like peanut butter. Let's see them eat my food without any peanut butter in it...

(At this point in the interview, a company P.R. flack intervenes)

P.R. Flack: ... what the chairman meant to say is, he jumped out of bed at the lyrical sound of his human companions' morning greetings and enjoyed a hearty, grain-free breakfast.

(Pause)

Interviewer: ... Well, actually, that's not what he said...

P.R. Flack: It is if you're planning on printing any of this.  

(Pause)

Interviewer (to BRANDO): ... Okay. So you ate your breakfast...

Brando: They finally put peanut butter on it. If I stand there and look at them long enough, they do what I want... 

P.R. Flack: ... an example of his unparalleled ability to motivate his employees...

Interviewer: --so after you ate breakfast, you...?

Brando: They put the dumb coat on me and let me outside. Finally. I went over to my favorite tree, and I sniffed it, and I--

P.R. Flack (interrupting): --breathed in the morning dew, and commenced a half-hour of vigorous exercise on the trail paths!

(Pause)

Interviewer (to P.R. Flack): I was told I'd have unrestricted access to the chairman for this interview.

P.R. Flack: You see a leash on his collar?

Interviewer: --fine. (To Brando) So after you had your exercise. You went into the office...?

Brando: My crate's in the office. The man friendbeast put me in the car and we went to camp--

P.R. Flack: --to an executive retreat!!

Brando: --Treat? Where's the treat?

(Pause) 

Brando: --where? I don't smell it... 

Interviewer: And who was there? At this retreat?

P.R. Flack: --will you please stop saying 'retreat?' You're distracting him... 

Interviewer: You said it first... 

Brando: I'm sitting down! Here's my paw! Where's my treat? 

(The Interviewer reaches for a bag of treats positioned next to the P.R. Flack)

Interviewer (to P.R. Flack): Can I give him a--?

P.R. Flack: Just one. You'll spoil his dinner.

Brando: Another one! I can eat another one! 

Interviewer: After the interview. So what did you do at the executive--at camp?

Brando: Played with my friends. Slept. Got treats.

P.R. Flack: ... and used his exceptional communications skills to forge broad consensus...

Brando: This other dog I didn't know licked my face. I growled at him and he stepped off--    

Interviewer: ... How long were you there?

Brando: How should I know? I'm a dog.

(Pause)

Interviewer: --So you didn't actually do any work on your birthday?

Brando: What's work?

P.R. Flack: ... OK, this interview's over...